Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Can You Spell Irony?

We are ever changing beings.

I am not the same woman I was 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago.  Hell, I'm probably not the same woman I was yesterday.  Our experiences and lessons we learn in life change us.

Let's talk spiders. 

I have never been a fan of spiders.  I never met a spider I didn't want to kill.  Shoes, hammers, brothers, boyfriends, Dad, Raid, I used ever weapon in my arsenal to kill them.  But I have been changing.  I think the cats did it to me.  I no longer insist on the death and/or dismemberment of every spider I see.

At work, about a week ago I saw a HUGE spider.  This thing was almost as big as a half dollar!  It was on the wall, down the hall.  I stopped to look at him and had a discussion with him that as long as he stayed on that side of the building, we'd be fine.

Today I walked out of my office, there it was on the floor outside of my office!  Holy crap!  It was either the same huge black ugly spider or it was his twin brother.  I'll sleep better tonight thinking it's the same one and there aren't two of them in the building.

But I'm not the same woman I used to be.  I evolved.  I don't take killing lightly, even a spider.

I grabbed a napkin, picked up the spider and walked him outside.  I placed him in a nice bush and then shook the heebie jeebies out of my skin at the thought of gently carrying a spider on top of a napkin.  I wish him a long healthy life living in or around that bush.

When I went back into my office I called my exterminator.  It's time for the fall spraying of my house for . . .  spiders!

Yes, I see the irony in that.

I supposed I'm not totally evolved yet.  I am a work in progress!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Speaking of Commercials . . .

Yesterday's post about commercials got me thinking.

Years ago, shortly after I moved to Ohio, I did a radio commercial for a local business.  It was a lot of fun!  I got to go to a radio station in Cleveland, into a recording studio and in two takes, I made a commercial!  Hey, for a day, I felt like a star.

For about a month after that, I kept that radio station on in my car and in my office.  I would even do a little dance in my office every time I heard my voice on air.

That said, I did that commercial because I believed in the business.  They treated me right when I needed them and I was happy to tell people about that in the radio commercial.  Plus, I have a face for radio!

What else do I feel that strongly about?  I mean I am not shy when it comes to giving people my opinion.  I give my opinion to the few people that read my blog, or face to face to anyone that will listen.  But to go so public with my opinion that the entire city of Cleveland and the surrounding area would hear it?

The Shark.

I love my Shark.  I love my Shark Rotator Lift Away Vacuum!  This was worth every penny I paid for it.  I would highly recommend it, especially if you have pets. I can vacuum a rug until I think it's as clean and hair free as it will get.  I empty the dirt catcher, and vacuum the rug again and I'm telling you, I will refill that dirt catcher with more cat hair!  It is amazing!  When I vacuum the hair out of my rugs and furniture, I vacuum the hair OUT!  I love the power, the light weight, the lift away to be a canister to make doing the stairs easier, I love the attachments.  Can you tell I love this product?

What started my love affair with the Shark brand was when I bought my Shark Steam Mop.  Again, with the cats, I love that I can steam clean my floors in a heart beat, and I leave no chemical residue behind on the floor.  You know I worry about my cats.  Here, nothing to worry about.  The only negative thing about the mop is that the handle needs to be sturdier.  I blogged before that I broke the handle and Ron had to put a few bolts through it to fix it and reinforce it.  It's perfect now!

So, if any of you know any one at the Shark company, put in a good word for me. Any time they need a new professional spokesperson for their product, I'm in.  Love love love them!

Saturday, September 20, 2014


Yes, I probably watch too much TV.  What I don't watch a lot of is commercials since I have a DVR.  I do love fast forwarding through commercials!

I hapened to see two commercials today that I had to write about.

The first one was for an upcoming movie, Annabelle.  Remember the movie Chuckie about a possessed doll?  This looks 100 times SCARIER!  I'm not a fan of scary movies but holy cow, the freakin' commercial scared the crap out of me. Trust me, I may be sleeping with the lights on tonight.  Dang! If the commercial freaks me out like this can you imagine if I actually went to see the movie?  No, thank you.

Another commercial I saw today was for Chevrolet.  I guess their new cars are coming out with their own Wi-Fi.  Now I guess some people that "work" out of their car, like salespeople, might find a use for a mobile Wi-Fi spot.  But the commercial I saw was trying to talk up the advantages of family in the car with Wi-Fi.

Call me old fashioned . . . but that's now he we did it when I was a kid.

Sunday rides were cheap entertainment for us kids when I was young.  Dad had to watch us all on Sundays and like I said, this was cheap entertainment.  We didn't have Wi-Fi, we didn't have ipads, ipods, game boys or anything else I don't know how to use.  We had comic books, we had the alphabet game, we had license plate state counting, we actually talked to each other, told stories, did a million things to occupy ourselves on a long car trip. All without Wi-Fi.

I know, I'm old fashioned.  Generations before me would say "you had electricity??  We lived without electricity and we walked to school up hill both ways" and all that.  I know I'm going into the information age slowly and kicking and screaming.  Hell, I just learned what an "app" was in the last year!

The bottom line is, I couldn't understand why people needed smart phones.  Now I have one and I can't imagine not having one.  Now I'm poo poo-ing a Wi-Fi in my car, I guess when my next car comes with one, I won't imagine how I lived without one all these years.

Commercials.  They're here to tell me what I need before I know I need it.

Sunday, August 03, 2014

This Ain't Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood

People have no manners.  I'm not sure when it became acceptable to drive down the street and throw your garbage out the window but that is all too common around here. 

Every few days, I go pick up the crap out of my yard.  I've talked before about some of the stuff I've found in my yard.  Fast food bags, liquor bottles, candy wrappers are all common.  More uncommon were the knife, crack, dip sticks (to check a car's oil), homework, utility bills.  Then we have the EWW factor items.

Before I mowed the lawn the other day I found this lovely item.

In case anyone can't tell, that is a neon colored condom.  While I know what it is, no, it's not mine.  This is exactly why I put a rubber glove on to pick up garbage. 

A few days later, this is what I found.

Um, perhaps since the condom "fell" out of the window, this option was needed.

I can't imagine being in a position where I would need to get rid of either of these items in such a hurry that I'd need to throw them out of a car window while the car was moving. 

Then again, maybe I'm just old.

And I get the heebie jeebies picking crap up out of my yard for a reason.

Saturday, August 02, 2014

Finder's Keepers

The rule in my house has always been that if I find money in the washer or dryer, it's MINE. 

My brother Phil does his laundry every Friday.  I usually do my laundry on Saturday.  Sometimes, just to be nice, Phil will leave me a couple of quarters in the washer.  Hey, they're in my machines, they are mine now!

I went to do laundry last Saturday and as I was getting ready to throw my first load in the washer, I saw a folded bill towards the back of the washer.  I reached in and realized it was actually a few bills folded in half.  It came out to be a total of $48!  Now that's some cash!!

I grabbed the green and went to talk to Phil.  Because I am a nice person (hey, I am!) I took the money to Phil and told him that if he could tell me how much money he was missing, I'd give it back to him.

Phil had a vacant look on his face and said something like "I don't know, a dollar maybe"?  HA!  He wasn't even close!  When I showed him the load of cash he said "wow!  I thought I spent that!"

I talk a big game but I gave Phil his money back.  If it had only been a dollar or two we never would have had a conversation about it.  After all, my machines, my money.

I could bust Phil's chops about the cash but honestly, it was too much money to mess around with and I had to give it back.  For my honesty, Phil took me to breakfast on Sunday!  That just made that situation a win-win as far as I'm concerned.

Friday, August 01, 2014

That's Just Wrong, Page 31

At long last, another fine page that is going in my future book titled "That's Just Wrong"!  And believe it or not, I'm the subject of this page!

Here's what happened a few weeks ago.  I know, I'm behind on blogging.

It was Sunday.  An ordinary Sunday.  I was putzing around most of the day, I was on and off of my phone, talking, texting, playing games, the usual stuff.  The phone was also in and out of the docking station. The cover I have for my phone is not so compatible with my docking station.  I have to take my phone out of the cover to put it in the docking station, then the cover goes right back on when it's out of the docking station.  All I'm saying is that my phone was getting handled a lot that day.

In the late evening, I realized that some of the sounds quit working on my phone.  I had a phone call come in but the phone never rang.  It vibrated but it didn't ring.  My phone is set to vibrate every time it rings.  Then I started playing games on my phone and again, most of the gaming sounds wasn't working.  What the heck?

I have a smart phone and to say it's smarter than I am is an understatement.  But, I did what I could, looking in the settings of the games, and the settings of the phone itself.  I couldn't see anything out of line so I did what I do best . . . I rebooted the phone.

It didn't fix the problem.

I took the phone to a higher authority, my brother Mike.  The first thing at work on Monday, I told him about the phone and I told him what I did.   Mike took over the phone and checked the settings in the games, the settings of the phone itself, and then rebooted my phone.  Duh!  Same things I had done!  Still, nothing.

Mike suggested I make an appointment with Apple's tech support and take my phone in and have them look at it.  Since it IS a work phone, I really need my phone to work.  As much as I hate Crocker Park, I thought this problem was important enough to make me go there.

Some time during the day, I got online to find the phone number for the Apple store to make me an appointment.  While on their website, I saw you could get technical support online as well.  I thought that sounded like a great thing for me!

I started a chat session with technical support, and the first thing I did was warn them that I had no idea what I was doing and really didn't know much about my damn phone.  I told him the problems, and he asked what I had already done to fix the problem.  From there, he had me look at a few things to make sure everything was as it should be.

Then he asked if I had checked the mute button.  Once he said that, I looked at the side of the phone where the mute button is and shared with tech support that indeed the red line was showing.  That was a good thing, right?  WRONG!  I had my damn phone on mute which is why most of my sounds were not working!

You wanna talk about being an idiot?  That would be ME.  Who else calls tech support to be told to take their phone off of mute?!!  C'mon now, That's Just Wrong!!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Fire Bug

I know, I have some blogging to catch up on! 

Let's start with my new habit.  I have been a fire bug!

A few years ago, I was heating up a pop tart in the toaster oven at work.  I started a fire.  No fire is a good fire but this one didn't cause damage except to my pride.  I took a lot of crap from coworkers, as I should have, and we joked that I'm no longer allowed to use the toaster oven! 

Then, last week I was using the microwave on my heating pad.  I use this a lot and it's a great help to my sore shoulder and neck.  You put it in the microwave for two minutes and it's a nice moist heat experience.  Like I said, I use this pad a lot.  I took it to work a few days last week.  I put it in the microwave and I started to smell something.  Something burning.

It's an old microwave, pre turn table era.  I guess one ray of microwave magic just beat down on that poor thing in one place.  It doesn't look like much but it was on fire and the entire microwave was full of smoke!  This heating pad thingie is full of rice.  The building was full of the wonderful smell of burnt rice.  Yes, the microwave is now on the list of toys at work I'm not supposed to use without supervision. 

Wait, it continues!

The other day, I had to laminate some labels.  You print on paper what you want laminated.  Then it goes into a plastic sleeve.  The sleeve then goes into a waxy paper folder and that is what you feed through the laminator.  If you do it correctly, when the waxy paper comes out the other side, what is in it is nice and laminated.  If you do it correctly.

I was holding up the paper as it went through the roller of the laminating machine.  Once it was through, I looked at the other side to take the finished product out of the machine and guess what!  There was nothing there!  I have NO idea where in the hell my labels went but they did not come out of the machine.  I think I yelled something like "oh crap" or some words to the effect.  My brother heard that and came running.  Something about the tone of my voice told him this was a bad "oh crap" that he might need to intervene in this one.

I immediately shut the machine off and then tried to take the top off of the machine to get my paper out of there.  It wasn't happening.  Mike had to get tools to get me out of this jam!  He actually had to take the machine apart to get that dame paper out from around the roller inside.  Come to find out, I forgot the waxy paper portion of this exercise.  Luckily the plastic didn't melt directly to the roller.  I wish I'd have taken a picture of that mess when Mike got it out of the machine!  My instructions from Mike for the rest of that day?  "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"  Noted.

So, I've been trying to behave and to not touch anything. 

I came home from work tonight, fed the cats and then I cooked myself some dinner.  Should have been an easy dinner, heating up a veal patty in a frying pan.  Should have taken five or six minutes.  I don't know what I was thinking but that patty was burned to a crisp!  This was one of the nastiest dinners I've ever made myself!  I ate it but I didn't like it.

Sheesh, me and fire are not getting along.  Lock up all of your matches and lighters.  I just can't be trusted!