Sunday, August 03, 2014

This Ain't Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood

People have no manners.  I'm not sure when it became acceptable to drive down the street and throw your garbage out the window but that is all too common around here. 

Every few days, I go pick up the crap out of my yard.  I've talked before about some of the stuff I've found in my yard.  Fast food bags, liquor bottles, candy wrappers are all common.  More uncommon were the knife, crack, dip sticks (to check a car's oil), homework, utility bills.  Then we have the EWW factor items.

Before I mowed the lawn the other day I found this lovely item.

In case anyone can't tell, that is a neon colored condom.  While I know what it is, no, it's not mine.  This is exactly why I put a rubber glove on to pick up garbage. 

A few days later, this is what I found.

Um, perhaps since the condom "fell" out of the window, this option was needed.

I can't imagine being in a position where I would need to get rid of either of these items in such a hurry that I'd need to throw them out of a car window while the car was moving. 

Then again, maybe I'm just old.

And I get the heebie jeebies picking crap up out of my yard for a reason.

Saturday, August 02, 2014

Finder's Keepers

The rule in my house has always been that if I find money in the washer or dryer, it's MINE. 

My brother Phil does his laundry every Friday.  I usually do my laundry on Saturday.  Sometimes, just to be nice, Phil will leave me a couple of quarters in the washer.  Hey, they're in my machines, they are mine now!

I went to do laundry last Saturday and as I was getting ready to throw my first load in the washer, I saw a folded bill towards the back of the washer.  I reached in and realized it was actually a few bills folded in half.  It came out to be a total of $48!  Now that's some cash!!

I grabbed the green and went to talk to Phil.  Because I am a nice person (hey, I am!) I took the money to Phil and told him that if he could tell me how much money he was missing, I'd give it back to him.

Phil had a vacant look on his face and said something like "I don't know, a dollar maybe"?  HA!  He wasn't even close!  When I showed him the load of cash he said "wow!  I thought I spent that!"

I talk a big game but I gave Phil his money back.  If it had only been a dollar or two we never would have had a conversation about it.  After all, my machines, my money.

I could bust Phil's chops about the cash but honestly, it was too much money to mess around with and I had to give it back.  For my honesty, Phil took me to breakfast on Sunday!  That just made that situation a win-win as far as I'm concerned.

Friday, August 01, 2014

That's Just Wrong, Page 31

At long last, another fine page that is going in my future book titled "That's Just Wrong"!  And believe it or not, I'm the subject of this page!

Here's what happened a few weeks ago.  I know, I'm behind on blogging.

It was Sunday.  An ordinary Sunday.  I was putzing around most of the day, I was on and off of my phone, talking, texting, playing games, the usual stuff.  The phone was also in and out of the docking station. The cover I have for my phone is not so compatible with my docking station.  I have to take my phone out of the cover to put it in the docking station, then the cover goes right back on when it's out of the docking station.  All I'm saying is that my phone was getting handled a lot that day.

In the late evening, I realized that some of the sounds quit working on my phone.  I had a phone call come in but the phone never rang.  It vibrated but it didn't ring.  My phone is set to vibrate every time it rings.  Then I started playing games on my phone and again, most of the gaming sounds wasn't working.  What the heck?

I have a smart phone and to say it's smarter than I am is an understatement.  But, I did what I could, looking in the settings of the games, and the settings of the phone itself.  I couldn't see anything out of line so I did what I do best . . . I rebooted the phone.

It didn't fix the problem.

I took the phone to a higher authority, my brother Mike.  The first thing at work on Monday, I told him about the phone and I told him what I did.   Mike took over the phone and checked the settings in the games, the settings of the phone itself, and then rebooted my phone.  Duh!  Same things I had done!  Still, nothing.

Mike suggested I make an appointment with Apple's tech support and take my phone in and have them look at it.  Since it IS a work phone, I really need my phone to work.  As much as I hate Crocker Park, I thought this problem was important enough to make me go there.

Some time during the day, I got online to find the phone number for the Apple store to make me an appointment.  While on their website, I saw you could get technical support online as well.  I thought that sounded like a great thing for me!

I started a chat session with technical support, and the first thing I did was warn them that I had no idea what I was doing and really didn't know much about my damn phone.  I told him the problems, and he asked what I had already done to fix the problem.  From there, he had me look at a few things to make sure everything was as it should be.

Then he asked if I had checked the mute button.  Once he said that, I looked at the side of the phone where the mute button is and shared with tech support that indeed the red line was showing.  That was a good thing, right?  WRONG!  I had my damn phone on mute which is why most of my sounds were not working!

You wanna talk about being an idiot?  That would be ME.  Who else calls tech support to be told to take their phone off of mute?!!  C'mon now, That's Just Wrong!!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Fire Bug

I know, I have some blogging to catch up on! 

Let's start with my new habit.  I have been a fire bug!

A few years ago, I was heating up a pop tart in the toaster oven at work.  I started a fire.  No fire is a good fire but this one didn't cause damage except to my pride.  I took a lot of crap from coworkers, as I should have, and we joked that I'm no longer allowed to use the toaster oven! 

Then, last week I was using the microwave on my heating pad.  I use this a lot and it's a great help to my sore shoulder and neck.  You put it in the microwave for two minutes and it's a nice moist heat experience.  Like I said, I use this pad a lot.  I took it to work a few days last week.  I put it in the microwave and I started to smell something.  Something burning.

It's an old microwave, pre turn table era.  I guess one ray of microwave magic just beat down on that poor thing in one place.  It doesn't look like much but it was on fire and the entire microwave was full of smoke!  This heating pad thingie is full of rice.  The building was full of the wonderful smell of burnt rice.  Yes, the microwave is now on the list of toys at work I'm not supposed to use without supervision. 

Wait, it continues!

The other day, I had to laminate some labels.  You print on paper what you want laminated.  Then it goes into a plastic sleeve.  The sleeve then goes into a waxy paper folder and that is what you feed through the laminator.  If you do it correctly, when the waxy paper comes out the other side, what is in it is nice and laminated.  If you do it correctly.

I was holding up the paper as it went through the roller of the laminating machine.  Once it was through, I looked at the other side to take the finished product out of the machine and guess what!  There was nothing there!  I have NO idea where in the hell my labels went but they did not come out of the machine.  I think I yelled something like "oh crap" or some words to the effect.  My brother heard that and came running.  Something about the tone of my voice told him this was a bad "oh crap" that he might need to intervene in this one.

I immediately shut the machine off and then tried to take the top off of the machine to get my paper out of there.  It wasn't happening.  Mike had to get tools to get me out of this jam!  He actually had to take the machine apart to get that dame paper out from around the roller inside.  Come to find out, I forgot the waxy paper portion of this exercise.  Luckily the plastic didn't melt directly to the roller.  I wish I'd have taken a picture of that mess when Mike got it out of the machine!  My instructions from Mike for the rest of that day?  "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"  Noted.

So, I've been trying to behave and to not touch anything. 

I came home from work tonight, fed the cats and then I cooked myself some dinner.  Should have been an easy dinner, heating up a veal patty in a frying pan.  Should have taken five or six minutes.  I don't know what I was thinking but that patty was burned to a crisp!  This was one of the nastiest dinners I've ever made myself!  I ate it but I didn't like it.

Sheesh, me and fire are not getting along.  Lock up all of your matches and lighters.  I just can't be trusted!

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Even the gum is out to get me

Some days it probably doesn't pay to get out of bed!

I like to chew gum.  I chew it at work so I don't keep putting food in my mouth.  I chew it in the evening at home for pretty much the same reason.  What I normally buy is Extra gum, in sticks.

When I was buying gum at the grocery store last week, I bought the wrong stuff.  Hey, it started with an "E"!  I was close!!

The good thing about the sticks of Extra is that you can unwrap the gum easily from the wrapper and pop in in your mouth.  As an added bonus, you then have the wrapper that can be used later to dispose of the gum!

The Eclipse gum, you have to push the little chicklet type candy through the foil backing to get it out.

I popped a piece of gum out of the back of the package and then tried to pop it right in my mouth from there.  Would you like to know what I learned?  I learned that the damn foil is REALLY sharp!  Yes, I sliced my lip like you wouldn't believe.

Supposedly, I am a grown up, responsible adult.  That doesn't mean that I don't need rubber guards on all corners and maybe a handler of some sort to keep me safe!


Thursday, July 03, 2014

I'm Blaming Phil!

My brother Phil lives with me.  For that privilege, I make him earn his keep.

One of the things he does is that he goes through my morning check list with me.  As I leave the house on my way to work, Phil reminds me that I need my lunch, my book, my phone, my keys, etc.  Hopefully I don't get to work and realize I left my purse on the table!

However, in order for this routine to really work, I need to let Phil know what I need every morning.

Mike made an appointment for Wednesday morning for service on his car.  When he's getting his car serviced, I pick him up on my way to work and then take him to pick up his car after work.  That works both ways as Mike has picked me up in the morning when I needed it.

That was the plan.  Then stuff happened!

Wednesday morning was an emotional morning.  Aside from my four cats, I am fostering a fifth.  She had an appointment to get spayed on Wednesday.  My friend Bobbie was picking her up at 7:00 am, taking her to Love a Stray who was sponsoring her spaying.  It makes me emotional sending a cat for surgery, even when it's the right thing to do.  But, I digress.

Bobbie picked up Jasmine and there was nothing for me to do about her until Bobbie brought her back to me after work for her recovery.  I was pacing the house and finally thought that was ridiculous.  I might as well put my nervous energy to good use.

I packed myself up and just went to work early, before Phil even came down for breakfast.  I got to work at about 7:30, the phones hadn't started ringing yet, no one needed anything from me, I could just dig in, with no interruptions and actually get WORK done!  I was in the zone!  I was working it!  I was accomplishing things!  Life was good!

Then my phone rang at 8:30 and it was Mike.  This can't be good.  He usually only calls me in the morning if something is wrong.  Here is our conversation:

Me:  Hey, good morning!  Are you ok?
Mike:  Yeah, I'm ok!  Um, did you forget to pick me up?
Me:  Shit.  I'm on my way!

According to the plan, I was to pick Mike up at 8:15 at the garage.  Luckily it wasn't far from work and we were able to make it back before the production crew showed up.

I on the other hand, didn't hear the end of it from Mike, and rightly so.  It's ok though, I blamed it on Phil!  It's all his fault that I forgot about picking Mike up.  Hey, at least I didn't make Mike walk to work!

Thursday, June 26, 2014

A Few Lifetimes Ago

I've been meaning to blog about this for awhile  now.

Years and YEARS ago, like 25 years ago, I was tending bar for a living.  Not the best job I ever had, but it paid the bills.  All the loose change I got in tips during the night I wanted to keep somewhere.  I really don't remember now how I came to own the pig but I remember being so excited to have it.

There was a spot in the butt of the pig that you could break out to get the change out, then close it back up with a cork.  I remember having my Dad break it out for me and he's also the one that got me the right size cork.  Dad couldn't believe that I would have enough change in that pig to make it worth it, but I knew better!

I had the pig a few weeks and I had a car payment due.  I had Dad bust the hole out of the pig's butt, I counted and wrapped my coins and had more than enough for a car payment.  I did this every month!  Wrap enough to make the car payment, leave the rest in the pig.  Life was good back then.

The pig is kinda ugly, this big red thing with flowers on it but I loved it.

Forward a handful of years to 1995.  I was packing up my apartment and moving from Erie PA to Houston TX.  My friend Jeff came with his two boys to help with the packing of the moving van.  Either I had more crap than I thought or I just didn't get a big enough moving van!  There were a few things that just wouldn't fit into that moving van, no matter how hard we tried.

Jeff and his boys stepped up to the plate.  What didn't fit in my moving van, fit into their van and then into their garage.  Some of my stuff they were able to use, like some TV trays.  But my poor pig was put into the garage and there he sat.  Poor pig!

The last time Ruth and Jeff came to see me here in Ohio . . . they brought me my pig!!!!  What a special surprise!  It's been a lot of years we've been separated but we are now together again!

C'mon!  This pig is so ugly, he's CUTE!!!  I wasn't getting what I thought was a good picture of the pig on the floor so I put him up on my cedar chest to take a picture.  Benny I think took offense!

I love my pig and I missed him.  He's a great place to throw your change!  I also love my friends Ruth and Jeff and I miss them too.  Every time I see my pig, I now think of my friends and smile.